Bipolar When It Counts











So, as previously mentioned, I was given a script for Cogentin. I did what I always do, and researched online before taking it the next morning. That makes a grand total of twice, as of this morning.

What everyone failed to mention was that not only can I not keep a thought in my head long enough to get them out verbally. Not too mention the shear stupidity that I would suffer from.

My pharmacist told me that the side effects would wear off pretty quickly. After just two doses, the negatives are definitely stronger than the positives.  I’m crossing my fingers that it is just temporary.

So the phrase of the week is “stupid meds.” Now that is not to say that Cogentin itself is stupid, but that it causes it.

Let’s try an example, shall we?

“Hey honey? Have you seen my meds? ”  “Which ones? ”  “My stupid meds.”

See? Easy to fit that in to any scenario.

In all seriousness, though, I’m not sure how I feel about this med. I think I need to wait a few days to see how I feel, and, as always, do my research.

Wish me luck!

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{December 12, 2012}   Question of the day #6

I find one symptom harder than others are. For me, it is sleeping. I have tried everything I could think of, and nothing works, so far.

So here is my question of the day. 

What is the one manic-depressive symptom you have to deal with that you wish you could change.

Stay tuned! Very soon we’ll be having a draw. I will be creating a new page just for contests. And remember, the more times you enter, the better your chances!



{December 12, 2012}   Ho hum

I’m looking around me at all the snow covered buildings. Everything is quiet and calm. The stars are bright, shining their cold, distant light.

In case you were curious, here its four am. Having a rough night, I am awake. Wide awake actually.

I know I need more sleep than just two hours, but I just can’t sleep. Believe me I have tried. And will try again. But if the world wakes up before I fall asleep, I am getting up two



{December 7, 2012}   Poem: Cycles

Climbing
Ever climbing.
I will never
Return to
The horrors
Below.

The nightmares
Are gone
Because I do
Not sleep.
I don’t need it.

I fill my lungs
With pure, fresh
Air, and rejoice
At its icy coldness
Deep within myself.

The mountain
Peak is within
Reach. I can reach
Up my hand
And grasp the sun.

It’s heat doesn’t
Burn me.
I am
Ice.
I do not melt.

I turn back
To the crags above.
An eagle flies
By and gives me
The power to fly

I can
Go no higher.
I flap my
Wings. I rise higher
Yet. I am out among
The stars.

They are Beautiful.
I reach out my
Hand to touch
The silvery white
Disk of moon
Far away, yet mine.

I grow fearful.
I wish to go
Home, but I dont
Know how.
I cry in vain.

Somehow I
Manage to return
To my home. I
am not in control.
I hit the ground.

I open my
Eyes to see the
Night sky above
I cry in desperation.
It is time.

I claw my way
Into the ground
To bury myself
With the worms.
I belong here.

At first, I am
Safe in the cool,
Dark earth.
Then I get a chill
And fight out.

The eagle is there,
Waiting for me.
He bends his neck
So I may climb on.
I am ready.

This time,
We fly into the
Milky Way to see
It’s violence,
And beauty.

I fall
Back to the earth.
The light is blinding.
Back into my hole
And try to die.

I cry when
It doesn’t work.
I struggle against the
Bonds of dirt that
Hold me down.

The cycle begins
Again and again.
I cannot escape
I do not want to
I must find release.



{December 7, 2012}   Poem: Blood Monster

I wait.
The mists are rolling
Over me, bathing me
In opaque shadows.

I long.
I try to escape
To get away.
It is no use.

I can hear.
The beast is slowly
Sneaking up
On me.

I am afraid.
The beast with no
Name is coming
It wants me.

I wish.
Escape eludes me
And I am lost now,
In the fog.

I am troubled.
There is a draw,
And magnetic pull
Drawing me in.

I am sacrifice.
The beast wants
My blood, my
Very inner self.

I am gone.
It found me here
Lost in the fog.
Now I bleed.



{November 29, 2012}   Hiho, Hiho, its off to school I go

So right now I am off to the university to pick up the forms for my doctor to fill out. I am super nervous about doing this. I’ve never actually declared that I was bipolar while at school. Not to mention that I am going to be taking some psychology classes.

All the same I am really excited. I registered for classes yesterday, three of them. Turns out, purely by chance that my professor for ALL THREE CLASSES will be the same lady. Weird. That’s never happened before. I’m curious to see how that will go…

Anyway. That form. I have to get my family doctor to fill it out, to prove that I have a disability that can be assisted by their programming. We already know that I am eligible though. This is for funding purposes.

I drop it off at the school, and meet with the counselor next Wednesday to discuss how things will go from here.

I’ll keep you posted…



{November 25, 2012}   Question of the day #5

So all you bipolar friends. In keeping with the theme of my last post, here is the question of the day today.

What is the one piece of advice you wish someone had given you, or the one tool you wish you had had when you were in school?

I look forward to reading your answers!



{November 25, 2012}   School? ? ?

So I’m thinking about going back to school in January. I’ve only got a few classes left to do before I’m finished a three year degree. The only problem is that I want to do a for year degree, which leaves me with 14 classes left. Can I do it?

Am I going to be able to handle going back? I was thinking about doing 3 classes. See, the thing us, I thrive at school. I love the environment, and the challenge it presents. The people are amazing too.

Its like a whole separate world there, one where I feel like I really belong. I would love to teach at the university level. I think it would be amazing. To share my passion with others? You can’t get much better than that!

I have always wanted to pursue my Masters and PhD. I am thinking it may be time to revisit that dream.

All of this is possible because of my
wonderful husband. He is so supportive of everything I want to do. And this is the one thing that I haven’t been able to finish since we met.

Maybe I will actually be able to finish my degree after all. Wish me luck!



So for the last week, hubbys wallet has been missing. He could not remember where he left it, no matter where I suggested. I ended up telling him that from now on, once we found it, that unless he was going out without me, his wallet was, from this point on, going to reside in my purse. He just laughed. I thinkhe thought I was kidding. I really was serious though. He just doesn’t know it yet… So today I was downstairs doing laundry when, lo and behold, there was his wallet. Falling out of the pocket of his jeans. Laying beside it was a Swiss army knife and a poker chip. Oh, the things a man keeps in his pockets. Well, at least it has been found, lol. No more begging me to find it while he is at work. And did I get a thank you? Hell no. Just ” I told you it was in my other jeans.” If you knew, why didn’t you go get it then? Oh well. At least its been found. This time it only took a week. The last time it was missing for so long that we had to cancel his bank card and buy him a new wallet, all because it fell under the dresser…



{October 9, 2012}   Bright and early

So I woke up, on my own, at 545am. I didn’t even go to bed until 3am. I can only imagine how this day is going to go from here. Wired, I tell you.

Im hoping it won’t be too bad, as i have to work today. In an hour. *crosses fingers*  Oh how I hope to keep my sanity in check today. Which reminds me. I need to rake my meds. Hang on a sec…

All done. Thanks for the reminder. Well, i better get ready for work. Have a splendiferous day, dear readers.



et cetera
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