Bipolar When It Counts











{August 13, 2013}   Changes changes changes

So much changing. We just moved to St John’s Newfoundland. Yup, we finally did it. Left Manitoba. I’m still in shock, to be honest. We have wanted to make this move for such a long time now. To know that I (we) have finally done this is incredible. What a huge step.

The logistics of such a major change are huge. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve switched provinces before. It’s just that this time, I have Meds to worry about. And a new family doctor. And a new psychiatrist. Plus switching our health care to here. And because of my health, this is something that has to be done as soon as possible.

And then the fear and anxiety kick in. Followed very closely by sheer panic and paranoia. How do I do this? How do I find a doctor that the family can all live with, plus a psychiatrist that I actually like and can work with. Yup, time for Ativan.

The more I think about it, the worse it gets too. I’m tying to stay calm, but it’s not going to well. Today is the first day in over a month that I have really been thinking about my Meds and my illness. I have stopped taking my Meds, yet again. But not because I just didn’t want to take them. I ran out of most of them at the same time. The rest were gone within a few days. My Ativan is actually expired, I even have an old bottle from 2011 lol.

Today I called the pharmacy nearby to see about transferring my Meds out here. Turns out the only thing with a refill is Ativan. Everything else is gone. But as a side note, I finally thought tow rite out the list of meds that I usually take, and when I take them. Now to hope and pray that I remember to take them to my appointment on August 22. I hope we end up with a good doctor that knows what he’s doing….

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You know, I had thought, as usual, that I was doing really well handling my mood swings. Boy was I wrong! No matter what you think, when you go off your Meds, you may not notice the change but your family does. Maybe they will say something and maybe they won’t. But, no matter, you will change. Bipolar can make you too blind to see what you are doing to those around you. And that is when the damage can happen. You don’t know what you are doing most of the time, and then, once it’s all over and you are healthy again, you can’t recall those things that you thought were so funny. You try desperately to forget anyhow. After all, why do you want to remember all the hurt you caused those people in your life who matter the most?

Check out my question of the dayand join in the conversation. I would love to get some opinions for you, my dear readers!

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