Bipolar When It Counts











{December 12, 2012}   Question of the day #6

I find one symptom harder than others are. For me, it is sleeping. I have tried everything I could think of, and nothing works, so far.

So here is my question of the day. 

What is the one manic-depressive symptom you have to deal with that you wish you could change.

Stay tuned! Very soon we’ll be having a draw. I will be creating a new page just for contests. And remember, the more times you enter, the better your chances!

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{December 4, 2012}   Smoking cigarettes and what?

So here I am, sitting at home by myself, sick. Yup, sick again. Isn’t it funny how we get sick just when things are starting to look up? At least, that’s how it happens to me.

Okay, I guess I can’t really complain. I get to sit here with my feet up, smoking cigarettes and reading Byron. I’m happy as a pig in shot. Honestly. If I have to be sick, I might a well do something that I enjoy, right?

I hate to say it but I think the mania may be trying to set in again. All of a sudden, I can’t do just one thing at a time. I have about 6 different projects on the go.  Here’s a quick list.

1. Crocheting a blanket.
2. Knitting a blanket.
3. Easing a book of Byron’s satires.
4. Reading Touched With Fire by Kay Redfield Jamison (thanks mom!).
5. Cross-stitch. About 3 different projects.
6. Reading the first chapters of my psych textbooks.

I think that’s it right now. I don’t think my mind can handle too much more than that.

It is starting to worry me though. Do I really need to do so many things at a time? Is it even possible? I mean, this is around going to work, being a mom, and a wife, and, and, and…..

Holy f***ing rabbits!



{August 3, 2012}   Mess

Have you ever felt so utterly and completely alone? Like even with people all around you, there is no one to understand how you feel, or what you are thinking? That’s how I feel today. Like everyone is happy and living their lives, and I am just a ghost. An apparition that no one can see or hear or touch. No one feels my presence. No one talks to me. And no one sees the sheer anguish I feel today.

This, my dear readers, is what happens to me when hypomania has gone on for too long. This is the flip side for me. I am angry, sad, depressed, alone, invisible. Like there is a yawning black hole in front of me and I am standing with my ties hanging over the edge with nothing to stop me from falling into it. It is so tempting to just let myself go, to just lean forward and drop into the abyss, and yet I don’t. I am still fighting it. There is still hope. I think. I pray.

I wrap my invisibility around me like a blanket, soothing to my troubled mind. If I stay out of sight, then the beast can’t see me. It can’t find me standing on the edge and pull me down.

Oh God, I need help. This has gone on for too long. I’m losing my grip. I can feel it. But is it really me? Or is it maybe everyone else who is going batshit? I don’t know, but it doesn’t calm the pounding in my head. Drum beats, incessantly pounding, sometimes loud, sometimes quiet, but always pounding.

If you have any issues you would like to see here, or articles and stories you would like to share, you can leave me a comment below, or email me at lmhennebury@hotmail.com



{June 22, 2012}   Question of the day #4.5

So here’s a question. At what point do you share with your employers that you are dealing with a mental illness?  I’m not looking for a general answer. When did you actually tell your employer, and what was their reaction?

As always, I look forward to seeing what you have to say. Leave your comments below.

-Lauren

If you have any issues you would like to see here, or articles and stories you would like to share, you can leave me a comment below, or email me at lmhennebury@hotmail.com



{June 14, 2012}   She laughed at me!

So yesterday I saw my psydoc again. I do understand why they ask you how you are feeling. Really, I do. But, to be honest, it just triggers something in my head. Everything that I keep from those around me just spews out.  I go from seemingly doing well to practically vibrating from the speed with which my mind and body are running.  It’s like 0 to 1000 in half a second.

After about 5 minutes of rambling non-stop to answer her question, she was LAUGHING! I swear. Was I offended?  Mmm, nope. Can’t say that I was. Am I now? Nope.

See, I know that I am hilarious at this stage. I talked about going back to school, learning to be a tattoo artist, and about a million other things that I would like to do RIGHT NOW!  She did say that I need to avoid doing any of them, since its all caused by my mania…  Ya think??? 

So anyhoo, that was possibly the most entertaining visit to the doctor I have ever had. Can’t say I’ve ever made one laugh before. It was actually kind of gratifying…

Oh yeah, I almost forgot.  She changed my meds.  Yup. Less Wellbutrin. No more Seroquel (I think. She didn’t really say. Hmmm).  Divalproex twice a day – this one is completely new, never had it before. And Risperdal. I think it took me an hour to update my med tracker app….

After my appointment, we went grocery shopping. That was interesting. As always, once the gates holding back my symptoms opens, it takes hours to get it together again. We left the Dr office and I was literally dancing and singing down the sidewalk. Squirt was with us, and after about 7 blocks, he asked me why I was so hyper. Uh. Because its fun. Because I’m in an AWESOME!!!!   mood.  Because… Aw, hell. How do I explain this to a 9 year old?

I bounced around the store, bounced home, and… Yoga. Thank the Gods for whoever created yoga. I settled a bit after that. I still spoke really fast, but I was at least able to stay in my seat.

I’m still feeling the effects today. I have fibromyalgia as well, so after all the bouncing, etc., yesterday, I am CRAZY sore today. So I’m moving slower, but still thinking way faster than I’m told I should. Like driving in 5th gear when you only need to be in 1st.

Well, I think that’s enough for now. O hope you all have an awesome day!

-Lauren

If you have any issues you would like to see here, or articles and stories you would like to share, you can leave me a comment below, or email me at lmhennebury@hotmail.com



{June 11, 2012}   Question of the day #1

Ok, so if you read my last entry, you will have seen the link I posted to another blog, Bipolar Today.  If you haven’t read the article yet, go ahead and read it now.

And now on to the question of the day.  Do you, or someone you know ‘present well?’ Do you feel that this interferes with your/their ability to receive quality health care?

Ok, so its a two part question.  Post your answers in the comments section below.

-Lauren

If you have any issues you would like to see here, or articles and stories you would like to share, you can leave me a comment below, or email me at lmhennebury@hotmail.com



{June 4, 2012}   Check this out!!!

I found an article today on Daily Mail that discusses the link between mental illness and genius.  It is definitely worth checking out. 

Also on that subject, there is a book by Dr Kay Redfield Jamison that you can read if you want more information on the subject.  I have read it twice now. I always pick it up when I need a boost, believe it or not (unfortunately, I don’t own a copy and my local bookstore and library doesn’t carry it, which makes reading it a bit difficult).

The book is called Touched With Fire: Manic-Depressive Illness and the Artistic Temperament. You can find on Amazon by clicking here.  Please check this book out. It’s a good size, but its well worth the read.

If you have already read it, leave me a message and let me know what you thought of it.  I look forward to hearing what you have to say!



et cetera
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