Bipolar When It Counts











{December 7, 2012}   Poem: Cycles

Climbing
Ever climbing.
I will never
Return to
The horrors
Below.

The nightmares
Are gone
Because I do
Not sleep.
I don’t need it.

I fill my lungs
With pure, fresh
Air, and rejoice
At its icy coldness
Deep within myself.

The mountain
Peak is within
Reach. I can reach
Up my hand
And grasp the sun.

It’s heat doesn’t
Burn me.
I am
Ice.
I do not melt.

I turn back
To the crags above.
An eagle flies
By and gives me
The power to fly

I can
Go no higher.
I flap my
Wings. I rise higher
Yet. I am out among
The stars.

They are Beautiful.
I reach out my
Hand to touch
The silvery white
Disk of moon
Far away, yet mine.

I grow fearful.
I wish to go
Home, but I dont
Know how.
I cry in vain.

Somehow I
Manage to return
To my home. I
am not in control.
I hit the ground.

I open my
Eyes to see the
Night sky above
I cry in desperation.
It is time.

I claw my way
Into the ground
To bury myself
With the worms.
I belong here.

At first, I am
Safe in the cool,
Dark earth.
Then I get a chill
And fight out.

The eagle is there,
Waiting for me.
He bends his neck
So I may climb on.
I am ready.

This time,
We fly into the
Milky Way to see
It’s violence,
And beauty.

I fall
Back to the earth.
The light is blinding.
Back into my hole
And try to die.

I cry when
It doesn’t work.
I struggle against the
Bonds of dirt that
Hold me down.

The cycle begins
Again and again.
I cannot escape
I do not want to
I must find release.



{December 7, 2012}   Poem: Blood Monster

I wait.
The mists are rolling
Over me, bathing me
In opaque shadows.

I long.
I try to escape
To get away.
It is no use.

I can hear.
The beast is slowly
Sneaking up
On me.

I am afraid.
The beast with no
Name is coming
It wants me.

I wish.
Escape eludes me
And I am lost now,
In the fog.

I am troubled.
There is a draw,
And magnetic pull
Drawing me in.

I am sacrifice.
The beast wants
My blood, my
Very inner self.

I am gone.
It found me here
Lost in the fog.
Now I bleed.



{August 4, 2012}   Writing

Today I feel like writing. I’m just not sure yet what I want to write. I have stuff in my computer to work on, plus poetry. Always poetry. It’s been my salvation so many times now. Just when I think I can’t cope with any more, I pick up my pen and the words just flow out. It’s almost like I’m not the one in charge. The words just appear in my head unbidden. I can’t say no to it. And once it starts, I can’t stop writing until I reach the end. But I do not determine the end. It is controlled by that same unknown force that pushes me to write in the first place.

Writing is cathartic to me. It has allowed me to open up, to see my moods in a different way. It takes me outside if myself, and allows me to breathe again when I feel I will suffocate.

My blog, sporadic though it may seem, does the same thing. By putting out there the jumble in my head, I am able to think more clearly. And trust me, if you think that the things I share are bad, just think of what I must be holding back. That is the stuff reserved for my journal and my poetry.

On the Pendulum board, we’ve been discussing creative pursuits. What about you, dear readers?  Do you have any creative endeavours that you would like to share?

If you have any issues you would like to see here, or articles and stories you would like to share, you can leave me a comment below, or email me at lmhennebury@hotmail.com



{June 4, 2012}   Check this out!!!

I found an article today on Daily Mail that discusses the link between mental illness and genius.  It is definitely worth checking out. 

Also on that subject, there is a book by Dr Kay Redfield Jamison that you can read if you want more information on the subject.  I have read it twice now. I always pick it up when I need a boost, believe it or not (unfortunately, I don’t own a copy and my local bookstore and library doesn’t carry it, which makes reading it a bit difficult).

The book is called Touched With Fire: Manic-Depressive Illness and the Artistic Temperament. You can find on Amazon by clicking here.  Please check this book out. It’s a good size, but its well worth the read.

If you have already read it, leave me a message and let me know what you thought of it.  I look forward to hearing what you have to say!



et cetera
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