Bipolar When It Counts











{June 3, 2012}   Long time coming… Part 2

So, where did I leave off? Right, with the issues in December. Onward then, shall we?

DECEMBER CONT.

So I realized that my meds werent working the way they were supposed to. So what did I do? Well, I can tell you for sure that I did NOT go back to the doctor. Nope. That would have been the smart thing to do. I decided instead that since they weren’t working anyway, I just didn’t need to take them. Yup. I just stopped all of it. Brilliant, huh?

JANUARY 2012

By the middle of the month, maybe not even that long, I was a mess. To say that I was irritable was an understatement. I was picking fights with anyone I could. Most of the time it was my husband, since he was nicely available. But it really didn’t matter.

MARCH 2012

By now I was so far gone that I couldn’t even think clearly. I was absolutely impossible. And that’s being nice, trust me. I cried all the time, and my anxiety and paranoia were climbing all the time.

MAY 2012

By this point I was cycling wildly. I’d wake up in the morning and barely be able to pull myself out of bed. Then, late in the afternoon, I’d climb through the roof, wild and totally unreasonable. I was on fast forward, always thinking a out ten steps ahead of what I was saying, and none of it making sense to those around me.

I finally broke down and went to see my psydoc. She put me on Seroquel (25mg twice a day), and Wellbutrin (125mg in the am). I cried the whole time I was in her office.

TODAY

Ok, so how am I doing today? For the most part, the cycling has stopped, but I am still bordering between hypomanic and manic. I am living in fear every day that I will cross that threshold at any time. I still wonder if the people I love are really involved in some elaborate scheme to destroy me.

I’m not sleeping well, and I’m bouncing between tasks so fast that no one can keep them straight. I can though. I know exactly what I’m doing.

Each day its a struggle. I’m trying to make a conscious effort to slow down, but to be honest, its not really working. And, while I’m no longer depressed or as irritable, I still blow up for no reason, and I can’t do just one thing. Always at least… oh, I don’t know, about 17 dozen.

Keep coming back to see how things progress. I’m going to be putting up a new page to deal with the med information.

Feel free to leave a comment or two, I’d love to hear from you!

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